Boundaries and Consent
Trust is a funny thing. Sometimes, it’s a complete leap of faith. Sometimes, it is a feeling that is slowly built over time. Often, it is both. Trust develops when we are able to communicate our vulnerabilities to others, yet sometimes being vulnerable is difficult without that trust being in place already. Trust is a tricky thing to create, and very easy to lose, if mishandled.
In my line of work, I ask people to trust me enough to not only meet me privately in person, but also to allow me to touch them, which can be a deeply personal experience. How is it that I, and other practitioners are able to establish the necessary trust to do our work? The answers are boundaries and consent.
Boundaries are the ways in which we maintain our comfort levels in everyday life. Everyone has their own set of boundaries, and you may practice keeping them without even realizing it. Refusing a second cup of coffee in the morning because it gives you the jitters, for example. Every day, we make decisions that help guide us away from destructive behaviors, or negative outcomes. However, sometimes it is another’s behavior that causes discomfort. In such a situation, what can be done?
When we are able to understand our own boundaries, and can clearly communicate them to others, the benefits are two fold: we show vulnerability in a way that builds empathy, and we give an opportunity for the other person to show if they care enough to respond to that boundary respectfully. In communicating, you have done your part to build trust, and in their response, they will show if they are worthy of that trust.
Communicating a boundary is very simple. All you have to say is “I am feeling uncomfortable.” Or, better yet, “no.” There is no further detail needed, if you do not want to share. “No” is a complete sentence. While it sounds simple, it is not always easy to confront those that cross your boundaries. It takes courage to be vulnerable, but if you struggle with this, think on the frustration and pain that can come when you “go with the flow” or “just try to be polite.” Does it feel any better than the tension of standing up for yourself, and your wellbeing? In my experience, avoiding pain is a sure way to put yourself through even more of it.
The other important factor during treatment is consent. If boundaries are our way of saying “no,” then consent is how we mutually say “yes.” Consent is powerful because once we trust that the other will communicate their boundaries, their consent becomes a signal of enthusiastic approval. In other words, if each person feels safe saying “no,” then the “yes” becomes an invitation to proceed with confidence. No one has to humor the other, or be polite. Consent, when practiced authentically, removes all doubt about the other’s intentions, and allows each to engage in a way that brings mutual satisfaction.
When working with clients, comfort is my utmost concern. You never have to experience anything that makes you uncomfortable in a session. That is my promise. Boundaries and consent are the pillars upon which my practice is built, and my services will help you develop the skill set to be able to more confidently monitor your own boundaries in life. Do not hesitate to reach out if I can help you!
